insomnia. part deux.

i adore bullet points. for some reason unknown to me, this blog deal does not feature bullet points. this must change. thus, i will settle for the @ sign.

@ i truly am in love with andrew bird. if you don't know his music and actually hang out with me, let me know IMMEDIATELY and i will remedy the situation. sigh...
@ i really hate insomnia. it's 2AM and i am not tired at all. i went to bed at 3AM last night and 6AM the night before. no, my life is not that exciting that i was out and about in this oh so fantastic city, doing oh so fantastic things, i was mostly at home, in my still messy apartment, working, dancing around and listening to the beatles.
@ trader joe's sells these completely amazing and delicious dark chocolate covered macadamia nuts. i go through a little container of them every 3 weeks or so. (they are quite sweet). please go try them.
@ i have rapid cycling feelings about my job. i'll be on a kick to leave and then something fabulous will happen and i'll decide to stay and then something annoying happens and i want to leave. this has been going on for three years.
@ i am currently in a "fight" with someone i trust completely and have a very unique and great relationship with. wait, fight isn't the right word. it's very complicated and i'm not sure if things will ever go back to normal, which is very sad, because our relationship is wonderfully complicated and blessed and fun.
@ why is adulthood is at once so amazing and so terribly hard?
@ why are men so time consuming? (mentally, i mean)
@ i'm not in the mood to go to french class tonight.
@ i had a very interesting conversation with one of my very best friends tonight. we talked about feeling distant from life. about not feeling "alive". my sister said something funny a couple weeks ago: she turned to me and said, excitedly, "can you believe that we're alive; that we're human beings?" she is graceful and faithful and lovely, my sister. i wish i had the same wonder and excitement about life more often.
@ i want to take a cross-country train trip. a new friend recommended this to me the other day. he spent a couple months as a tramp and hobo, which sounds weird, but really just means he hitch-hiked and jumped on trains, which i think is wild and amazing. i have always wanted to do something similar, but just doesn't seem to be an adventure that would work for women. i do really like trains.
@ i recently read "into the wild", the book by the dude who wrote "into thin air". both are very good, very well written. the author writes about a need to be in the wilderness. my new friend (mentioned in last "bullet") said that tramping/train hopping requires one to become wild and learn how one is wild, in mind, body and soul. i thought that was very interesting. i was thinking the other day that maybe it isn't just about being "wild" or "wildness" that is required, but rather a "wilderness" in the soul. in that case, there is realization of a mystic, adventurous, challenging, sorrowful part of human nature. i also think that when one is accepting of his/her own "wilderness", there must also be a true, born and breed, intimate relationship with loneliness. wilderness is a lonely idea and, i think, accepting of alone-ness and loneliness. i'm not saying i fit into this category, but it's very interesting overall.
@ i really wish i could fall asleep.
@ ohh! a yawn!