i adore bullet points. for some reason unknown to me, this blog deal does not feature bullet points. this must change. thus, i will settle for the @ sign.
@ i truly am in love with andrew bird. if you don't know his music and actually hang out with me, let me know IMMEDIATELY and i will remedy the situation. sigh...
@ i really hate insomnia. it's 2AM and i am not tired at all. i went to bed at 3AM last night and 6AM the night before. no, my life is not that exciting that i was out and about in this oh so fantastic city, doing oh so fantastic things, i was mostly at home, in my still messy apartment, working, dancing around and listening to the beatles.
@ trader joe's sells these completely amazing and delicious dark chocolate covered macadamia nuts. i go through a little container of them every 3 weeks or so. (they are quite sweet). please go try them.
@ i have rapid cycling feelings about my job. i'll be on a kick to leave and then something fabulous will happen and i'll decide to stay and then something annoying happens and i want to leave. this has been going on for three years.
@ i am currently in a "fight" with someone i trust completely and have a very unique and great relationship with. wait, fight isn't the right word. it's very complicated and i'm not sure if things will ever go back to normal, which is very sad, because our relationship is wonderfully complicated and blessed and fun.
@ why is adulthood is at once so amazing and so terribly hard?
@ why are men so time consuming? (mentally, i mean)
@ i'm not in the mood to go to french class tonight.
@ i had a very interesting conversation with one of my very best friends tonight. we talked about feeling distant from life. about not feeling "alive". my sister said something funny a couple weeks ago: she turned to me and said, excitedly, "can you believe that we're alive; that we're human beings?" she is graceful and faithful and lovely, my sister. i wish i had the same wonder and excitement about life more often.
@ i want to take a cross-country train trip. a new friend recommended this to me the other day. he spent a couple months as a tramp and hobo, which sounds weird, but really just means he hitch-hiked and jumped on trains, which i think is wild and amazing. i have always wanted to do something similar, but just doesn't seem to be an adventure that would work for women. i do really like trains.
@ i recently read "into the wild", the book by the dude who wrote "into thin air". both are very good, very well written. the author writes about a need to be in the wilderness. my new friend (mentioned in last "bullet") said that tramping/train hopping requires one to become wild and learn how one is wild, in mind, body and soul. i thought that was very interesting. i was thinking the other day that maybe it isn't just about being "wild" or "wildness" that is required, but rather a "wilderness" in the soul. in that case, there is realization of a mystic, adventurous, challenging, sorrowful part of human nature. i also think that when one is accepting of his/her own "wilderness", there must also be a true, born and breed, intimate relationship with loneliness. wilderness is a lonely idea and, i think, accepting of alone-ness and loneliness. i'm not saying i fit into this category, but it's very interesting overall.
@ i really wish i could fall asleep.
@ ohh! a yawn!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
on faith, love and growing up
first: best website ever. http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/011107/meaning-of-this.gif genius!
ponderings:
1. If 2007 is going down in the books as the hardest year of my life (see post "one"), then October is going down as the month of restoration. Sigh. Life is so fun. And good. And blessed. And overall, a kick in the pants.
2. Even though this month of restoration literally started at midnight on the first, this weekend was a beautiful expression of what I think the rest of this year could be for me.
3. I spent the weekend at Our Lady of the Rock, a monastery run by seven nuns on Shaw Island, in the San Juans. It was lovely and grace-filled. They raise llamas, sheep and cows and allow visitors to come, work on the farm for a day, weekend, week, etc. and will feed and house them in return. They serve raw milk (cows most definitely know what they are doing!) and veggies and meat from the farm. It was an amazing experience.
4. I really hate having a desk job. Human beings were not meant to spend their days sitting at a desk in front of a computer. I read something this morning about the importance of feeling tired at the end of the day. Not just mind-tired but body-tired. Somewhere along the line, when we buckled down to corporate consumerism, we forgot about that part of being human. And it's a shame. Actually, yes, that's exactly what it is--we should be ashamed that we have let ourselves become so lazy. Good grief.
5. All of my really great, poignant thoughts come to me while I'm in the bath.
6. I was thinking this morning that life is really hard. Adulthood is really hard. Mer said to me the other day that as kids we just want to grow up and that really, if we had any idea how hard adulthood is, we would never wish growing up on anyone. (I don't remember if that's exactly how she said it; maybe it's a combination of what she said and my response.)
7. So yes, life is really hard and sometimes it hurts like crazy. I was thinking this morning that I have always treated those hardships in one of two ways--I'm either stupid and prideful and so focused on my own dependence on myself (and the fact that I don't always think that I deserve to depend on anyone else) that I completely forget about faith and God and grace. In this case, I always end up lonely and sad and miserable. OR--and this is the sole reason why life is so amazingly awesome: I allow myself to be accepting of grace. And I allow God to give it me (because that's really just what He wants to do, for us all). And in those cases, life is so amazing, because we see that yes, it's hard and hurts, but it's ours, given to us with grace and peace and love by the Father. And in those times, He holds us high atop His shoulders and we get through it and He takes us on glorious ride through life and Heaven.
8. Sigh...
9. Sometimes, I'm so ready for heaven that I pray... okay, God you can take me now.
10. This is not one of those times. I am happier to be alive right now than I have been in months, maybe years. And life couldn't be sweeter.
ponderings:
1. If 2007 is going down in the books as the hardest year of my life (see post "one"), then October is going down as the month of restoration. Sigh. Life is so fun. And good. And blessed. And overall, a kick in the pants.
2. Even though this month of restoration literally started at midnight on the first, this weekend was a beautiful expression of what I think the rest of this year could be for me.
3. I spent the weekend at Our Lady of the Rock, a monastery run by seven nuns on Shaw Island, in the San Juans. It was lovely and grace-filled. They raise llamas, sheep and cows and allow visitors to come, work on the farm for a day, weekend, week, etc. and will feed and house them in return. They serve raw milk (cows most definitely know what they are doing!) and veggies and meat from the farm. It was an amazing experience.
4. I really hate having a desk job. Human beings were not meant to spend their days sitting at a desk in front of a computer. I read something this morning about the importance of feeling tired at the end of the day. Not just mind-tired but body-tired. Somewhere along the line, when we buckled down to corporate consumerism, we forgot about that part of being human. And it's a shame. Actually, yes, that's exactly what it is--we should be ashamed that we have let ourselves become so lazy. Good grief.
5. All of my really great, poignant thoughts come to me while I'm in the bath.
6. I was thinking this morning that life is really hard. Adulthood is really hard. Mer said to me the other day that as kids we just want to grow up and that really, if we had any idea how hard adulthood is, we would never wish growing up on anyone. (I don't remember if that's exactly how she said it; maybe it's a combination of what she said and my response.)
7. So yes, life is really hard and sometimes it hurts like crazy. I was thinking this morning that I have always treated those hardships in one of two ways--I'm either stupid and prideful and so focused on my own dependence on myself (and the fact that I don't always think that I deserve to depend on anyone else) that I completely forget about faith and God and grace. In this case, I always end up lonely and sad and miserable. OR--and this is the sole reason why life is so amazingly awesome: I allow myself to be accepting of grace. And I allow God to give it me (because that's really just what He wants to do, for us all). And in those cases, life is so amazing, because we see that yes, it's hard and hurts, but it's ours, given to us with grace and peace and love by the Father. And in those times, He holds us high atop His shoulders and we get through it and He takes us on glorious ride through life and Heaven.
8. Sigh...
9. Sometimes, I'm so ready for heaven that I pray... okay, God you can take me now.
10. This is not one of those times. I am happier to be alive right now than I have been in months, maybe years. And life couldn't be sweeter.
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